A lot of people presume those who are naturally clumsy are just putting on an ‘act’. It’s all a cute show for attention right? Wrong. If you find yourself on the un-coordinated spectrum of life like myself, you will know that it is most definitely not an act. The struggle is real. Clumsy isn’t a way of life, it’s a curse of an inherent lack of coordination. Don’t you think if we could choose not to spill things on ourselves we would? Sure we’d love to be poised and sophisticated, but it just doesn’t happen. Yesterday I managed to spill two plastic cups of wine consecutively (I don’t trust myself with glasses anymore). I don’t know how, but one literally flew out of my hand and across the room.
Anywhoo, with all that being said I thought I’d write a guide to the everyday struggles of your average clumsy person, just to give all you ‘together’ people a glimpse into life on the other side.
So here we go:
2. Bumping into inanimate objects on a daily basis.
Wtf, okay that lampost definitely appeared out of nowhere.. All you can do when this happens is put your head down and pray to god no one saw..
3.Despite how clumsy you are, you’re still shit at trying to subtly ‘recover’. if you’re like me your hawk eye friends will see absolutely all of your stumbles and use them to embarrass you publicly.
That save though…
4. Stairs. Just stairs. You can’t walk up them, and you can’t walk down them. They are your mortal enemy, put on this earth to cause you constant pain.
5. Constantly dropping things.
Your clumsiness takes the phrase ‘butter fingers’ to a whole new level. It could be your phone, keys, drink or wallet. Whatever it is, chances are you’ve dropped it more than once. Which means you probably can never be a waitress/waitor. And you most definitely shouldn’t hold babies for a period longer than five minutes, or without supervision.
6. Always dropping things means you are an avid follower of the ‘5 second rule’
7. Lets just say certain sports aren’t your strong point, and you and this dog have a lot in common.
8. Constantly saying sorry for spilling things on people and knocking things over.
ooops, my bad
9. Always having a lovely collection of bruises. Sometimes you have more than your memory can keep up with.
Here’s my latest colourful addition. No, don’t worry I’m not a victim of domestic abuse, just an unfortunate cycling accident.
10. Losing your balance on flat surfaces. You are literally unable to walk in a straight line.
11. Making awkward scenes by accidentally knocking over things while telling stories.
Literally the bane of my existence. Anyone who knows me will be aware of the fact that I talk with my hands, a lot. Combine that with my natural clumsiness, and well you have a recipe for disaster.
12. Having little to no rhythm.
Yep, you’ll always be that kid out of sync with everyone else, or the one that claps too early or too late. It’s okay, you’re not alone.
13. Getting overly excited or hyper about something at any given time can have potentially dangerous results.
this one applies to clumsy girls-
14.Getting your hair stuck in the back of your hairdryer.
15. Showering can sometimes prove problematic if you lose the run of yourself. Be on alert for slippery shampoo spillages at all times. And never dance in the shower, ever.
16. People always assume you’re drunk.
Nope. Just clumsy.
17. Going to sit down, or lean against something but completely missing and face planting.
18. Your skills at riding a bike are questionable. (This is exceptionally true for my experiences so far in Sweden)
19. The constant judgment and ridicule from coordinated people.
stop judging me!
20. Winter and the onslaught of ice.
21. Trying to make a dramatic exit but failing miserably..
22. Finally learning to embrace your clumsiness 🙂
So there you have it, a slight glimpse into the average struggles of a clumsy person. If you’re clumsy and struggling to deal with your awkward ways, just remember some of the most fabulous people are disastrously clumsy. Take JLAW for example
the girl faceplanted at the oscars TWICE and still managed to own it.
So next time you’re feeling embarrassed, ashamed or bruised just remember at least you’re fun and can laugh at your accident prone ways. I’d rater be laid back and clumsy than take myself too seriously any day.