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Final Year Fear

FF_Divider_Pink4I’m aware at this stage that a lot of my recent blogs have adopted the same ‘help I’m in final year’ tone, but it’s hard not to think about the fact that ‘real adulthood’ is getting closer with each passing day.

I mean fuck, it’s scary. I’m not going to pretend otherwise. Looking back first year seems like it was just yesterday, but at the same time it also feels like a million years ago. Back in 2012  19 year old fresher me thought 2016 was a lifetime a way. Yet here I am. A mere 12 weeks off graduating and becoming a person. It’s kind of a catch 22. In one way I can’t wait to finish and finally be done with essays, group presentations, and classic literature! But on the other hand I’m going to miss university life and the prospect of finding a job is actually terrifying.

When you’re little you  just assume that when you grow up you get a job and become successful, like it’s that easy. You also have that blissful innocence that you can be anything you want to be. I, like many others went through many different stages of wanting to be many different things. I think my very first dream job was to become an actress. I was quite the little drama queen, so it didn’t seem too far out of my reach.  I loved performing on ‘the stage’ in our house (that is the step in our family kitchen). I would parade around for anyone that would give me the time of day. It was all fun and games, until I realised we didn’t live in Hollywood and despite being a dead ringer for Beans from Disney’s ‘Evens Stevens,’ I wasn’t destined for sitcom fame.

So then came my next dream job. The classic ‘I love animals so naturally I’m going to be a vet’ phase. That is until I was swiftly informed I’d have to operate on the ‘ugly’ animals too. And there’d be blood. Ew. After that I think I scaled my ambitions back again. I decided I was going to be a teacher. But I had a conflict of interest because I also wanted to be an author. Naturally ten year old me decided that this wasn’t going to be a problem and I was just going to do both. Yep a teacher by day, and a kick ass best selling novelist by night. I think somewhere in between that I also wanted to be a doctor, but I knew even then that I couldn’t forgo my social life for 600 leaving cert points and 7 odd years in college. (Serious kudos to all those who do).

I suppose at this stage you’re wondering the point of this little rambling. I just think it’s funny that when you’re younger you have no concept of limitations or self doubt. Anything is achievable and you have the whole world in your sights. Now that I’m finally at this stage in my life it’s like I feel as If I can’t do any of it. Though deep down I know I have the skills, it’s just that awful fear of not being good enough, or not getting hired etc.  It’s mad, when you’re a child you’re supposed to look to the adults for help and guidance. Though I find myself longing for reassurance from fearless 10 year old me. I know she’d give me a right kick up the arse and tell me to cop myself on. Call me crazy but I think we’d actually be much better adults if we rekindled our inner child a bit! Obviously within reason.

There’s a common complaint among myself and those in my course; and that is we don’t get the time to read and write the things we actually want to read and write! Which is precisely why I’m writing this blog, to escape the annoying demands of  my FYP. In some ways I feel like academic life really does curb your creativity and confidence. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have time to work on other skills and aspects needed for the ‘dream job’. Which nowadays involves either staff writing for an online publication or something within radio or broadcast journalism. But ironically the further I progress in my academic pursuits, the further away it seems. Strange that.

Anyway I’m sure there’s going to be plenty more tears and breakdowns over the next twelve weeks, but as I’ve so frequently heard, ‘It’s all a means to an end’. Where I’ll be this time next year I’ve no clue, but as long as I have good people, a strong shade of Mac lippy, and a customary glass of wine in tow, I’m sure I’ll be alright.

Until the next existential Crisis!

~Jessie

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50 reasons why living with your college best friends is the greatest

Three weeks ago I started my final year of college and while it may be bitter sweet, I’m already appreciating every little moment. It’s crazy to think that in less than a year it’s all going to be over. Recent antics got me thinking about how much I cherish my housemates. You start college fresh from secondary school eager and excited to meet new people and make new friends. What they don’t tell you about it is how long it can actually take to find good friends, you know your people. Your squad. Your MVPs. (Or in the case of me and one special friend, Your Nigs). Call it whatever you want they’ll eventually become your BFFs.

I went through a lot of shit and drama before I found ‘the ones’. I suppose it’s because you’re surrounded by so many new people. All with different outlooks and opinions. But hang in there, because when you do find your people there’s no turning back! I’m living with 5 of the craziest girls ever. (Not excluding two equally fantastic blow ins, who we unfortunately couldn’t officially house due to the lack of 8bed houses in Limerick Citaaay). Anyway there are certain things about this living situation I wouldn’t change for the world. So naturally I decided to blog about why it’s so great. Here are 50 reasons why living with your college best friends is the greatest thing ever.


1. You’ll never be lonely. Even if you’re single and dateless, with 5 extras in the house there will always be someone to spoon. Your huns will understand this and embrace it. Even though you all live in the same house sleepovers are frequent and accepted. See below:

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2. You’ll never really be stuck for something to wear. With five extra wardrobes you’re bound to find something to sort you out. Whether it’s a pair of tights, a dress for a night out or even a knickers, the gals got you covered. Literally.

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3. They’ll never judge you for skipping college and staying in your Pajamas all day. Chances are they’re doing it too so you don’t even have to feel guilty about being a complete waster.

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4. It’s completely acceptable to walk into one another’s rooms in just a towel or your underwear. (Or in some cases in the middle of the night covered in your own vomit with a pot on your head…not naming names….)

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5. Someone will always have something you need. Be it tan, toothpaste, a hair bobbin, bog roll, milk. They’d hate to see ya stuck.
6. You can tell them anything. And I mean anything. Nothing is too gorey or gruesome for the fam. It also helps if one of your housemates is a nurse and you’re the hypochondriac of the group.
7. Sharing poor life decisions is a weekly, shameful, yet undeniably enjoyable routine.
8. Hangover chats. Every Friday consists of piling into someone’s room and discussing the antics of thirsty Thursday, while simultaneously complaining about how you’re all dying.
9. Ordering massive family meals from your favourite takeaways. You all have the dominos, papa johns and  Chinese meal deals off to a T. So much so that these fine establishments often text you.No RAgrets.

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10. The group chat game is strong. It’s Friday you’ve all gone your separate ways for the weekend. It’s only been a couple of hours since you’ve all seen each other, but already the group chat is hopping and stays that way until you’re finally reunited on Sunday.
11. Even though you’re all mutually broke, someone will always have money at any given time, thus supporting the rest of the fam until the favour can be returned.

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12. Pre drinks are always the best part of the night. Time to drag up all the dirt you have on each other with a good old fashioned game of never have I ever.
13. There’ll always be at least one voice of reason when you’re deciding whether or not you should “text him”.

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14. In all seriousness though they’ll always look out for you and have your back.

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15. You’ll see the best and worst of each other. Best being the on point selfies, worst being covered in mascara and crying into a curry chip.

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16. They’ll carry you home if you ever get too drunk. Literally. They will carry your ass into the house. Again not naming names…
17. Someone will always have a key. Except in the rare instance where you all lose your sets and decide to go out leaving the door unlocked and propped open with a wheelie bin and a dressing gown…
18. Evenings spent sitting in the siting room discussing life are literally best. Sometimes better than any night out.

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19. You’ve all shared advice regarding each other’s love lives. Or lack thereof.
20. You’ve contemplated buying a pet, but decided given your responsibility levels it would be wise not to.
21. Instead you all decide to ‘adopt’ the homeless earless cat that wanders around outside your house.
22. You have a love/hate relationship with your passive aggressive 84 year old neighbour.
23. You’re guaranteed to laugh a lot every day.
24. There’s always a practical one in the group who can change lightbulbs and fix the TV and shit.
25. You’ll soon find you can tell what each other is thinking or communicate with just looks.IMG_1443
26. You know all their parents, siblings, and dogs first names.
27. You feel like extended members of each other’s families.
28. You’ve been to visit each other’s home towns.
29. You know everyone’s pet peeves.
30. You come to accept the annoying living habits about one another.
31. You end up having weird exercise regimes, like that one time you went for a family walk. Or when you went to TRX and then couldn’t bend down for the muffins in aldi the next day.
32. You may have found yourselves discussing the possibility of civil partnerships with one another.

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33. You text each other even though you’re literally only a few rooms apart.
34. You’ve probably all heard one another having sex.
35. But you’re okay with that because woo! one of the fam scored.
36. You all have nicknames for each other.
37. You’ve heard each other sing and definitely think you should be the next destiny’s child.
38. You’ve killed it together on the dance floor.
39. You’ve picked one another up when you’ve all drunkenly fallen. Except for that one time one of you fell out of a bus…
40. It’s become completely acceptable to inform the fam when you have to go for a number 2.

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41. It is also subsequently acceptable to describe said number 2 often using the Bristol stool chart..
42. You know each other’s PIN numbers and have thus fraped the absolute shit out of one another.
43. You’ve gone on major Facebook/Tinder/Instagram creeps collectively as a fam.

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44. You’ve collected some amazing memories together.
45. There will always be someone to collect you the morning after a night out, because the fam doesn’t believe in the walk of shame.
46. You have family trips to the cinema.
47. Drive Thru McFLurries are a frequent treat.
48. You reassure one another that you’re not going to fail college and that it’ll all be grand.
49. Youve discussed all getting jobs in the same place after you graduate so you can live together forever and ever.
50. You love the absolute bones off one another and wouldn’t change a single thing.


Becky, Susie, Orla, Niamh, Catrina, Saoirse and Megan, thanks for being the most wonderful housemates and friends. Here’s to many more mishaps, mistakes and memories. May the nights be long and the hangovers short!

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