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It’s True, Nobody Likes You When You’re 23

I must admit, 8 months into my 23rd year and I’m starting to think Blink 182 were on to something.  In case anyone reading is unaware, (and it’s not obvious from the title), they coined the infamous lyric ‘nobody likes you when you’re 23’.

Twenty three is just awkward. It’s not as crazy as 18. It’s not as fun as 21. It’s not as blissfully oblivious as 22. Why you might ask? well because 23 is that horrible year where you have to start realising things. (Kylie Jenner I’m lookin’ at you).  You’re plucked from your lovely little college nest and turfed out in the real world to start fending for yourself.

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They don’t prepare you for this kind of thing. Nobody teaches you how to suddenly adult. Sure I spent the last four years perfecting the art of seeking out the cheapest wine, but that’s not exactly going to equip me for the impending 9-5 slog (although some would disagree with me!).

I’ve found these months of my post college life to be some of the toughest thus far. It’s more than coincidental that this time seems to coincide with my 23rd year..

I mean it’s very difficult figuring out what you want to do with your life, and it can be disconcerting when things don’t go how you expect. I packed up my life and hopped on over to London, only to move back 8 months later. As buzzfeed once said (yes, I’m quoting buzzfeed), you’re expected to have your shit together, but have none of the resources required to get your shit together. Truer words have never been spoken.

It seems like you have a lot of options, but they all come with some sort of catch. Do you find a job and start working right away? But that leaves no time for travel. But how do you fund the travel without a job first? So many questions, so little answers. Whatever you find yourself doing though, it’s terrifying because it’s the first time you have any real responsibility.

You’re an adult, but you’re essentially the baby version of an adult.

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Now you have to start thinking about scary things, like making appointments for yourself and learning how to cook a roast dinner. On top of all this you’re faced with the realistation that your next significant birthday isn’t until 40 (we all know people who throw 30th’s are kidding themselves).

All of a sudden you can’t afford your lifestyle. All of your lovely luxury student discounts have disappeared, and you weren’t prepared for the reality of ‘adult’ prices. Honestly how do they expect you to afford full whack when now you actually have to pay bills? So rude.  With that being said, I’m still doing my best with the ‘strategic thumb place’ and wrangling whatever cinema and train tickets I can. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do;)

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The thought of getting older is scary because you feel so far behind both in an emotional sense and a career sense. You’re itching to get beyond your years and make something of yourself, yet at the same time you don’t feel as if you’re ready. It’s a total mind-field really.

I read someone describe the year of 23 as ‘upsetting, brightening, hardening and hectic all at once’. I couldn’t agree more. It’s just one big massive limbo. I find myself pushing myself to be the best version of myself. I’m constantly striving to do better. I find myself in working environments surrounded by people who have achieved so much, and subsequently I feel a bit useless. I then have to remind myself that these people are much older than me. They have more experience, and I am only, after all, just twenty three.

The biggest thing I’ve learned in the last few months is that sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards. Because the truth is you ain’t gonna walk out those college gates and into your dream job. You’re still gonna have to rely on a helping hand every now and again, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. You have to walk before you run and all that jazz.

If nothing else, 24 is only 5 months away 😉

 

 

 

 

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50 reasons why living with your college best friends is the greatest

Three weeks ago I started my final year of college and while it may be bitter sweet, I’m already appreciating every little moment. It’s crazy to think that in less than a year it’s all going to be over. Recent antics got me thinking about how much I cherish my housemates. You start college fresh from secondary school eager and excited to meet new people and make new friends. What they don’t tell you about it is how long it can actually take to find good friends, you know your people. Your squad. Your MVPs. (Or in the case of me and one special friend, Your Nigs). Call it whatever you want they’ll eventually become your BFFs.

I went through a lot of shit and drama before I found ‘the ones’. I suppose it’s because you’re surrounded by so many new people. All with different outlooks and opinions. But hang in there, because when you do find your people there’s no turning back! I’m living with 5 of the craziest girls ever. (Not excluding two equally fantastic blow ins, who we unfortunately couldn’t officially house due to the lack of 8bed houses in Limerick Citaaay). Anyway there are certain things about this living situation I wouldn’t change for the world. So naturally I decided to blog about why it’s so great. Here are 50 reasons why living with your college best friends is the greatest thing ever.


1. You’ll never be lonely. Even if you’re single and dateless, with 5 extras in the house there will always be someone to spoon. Your huns will understand this and embrace it. Even though you all live in the same house sleepovers are frequent and accepted. See below:

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2. You’ll never really be stuck for something to wear. With five extra wardrobes you’re bound to find something to sort you out. Whether it’s a pair of tights, a dress for a night out or even a knickers, the gals got you covered. Literally.

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3. They’ll never judge you for skipping college and staying in your Pajamas all day. Chances are they’re doing it too so you don’t even have to feel guilty about being a complete waster.

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4. It’s completely acceptable to walk into one another’s rooms in just a towel or your underwear. (Or in some cases in the middle of the night covered in your own vomit with a pot on your head…not naming names….)

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5. Someone will always have something you need. Be it tan, toothpaste, a hair bobbin, bog roll, milk. They’d hate to see ya stuck.
6. You can tell them anything. And I mean anything. Nothing is too gorey or gruesome for the fam. It also helps if one of your housemates is a nurse and you’re the hypochondriac of the group.
7. Sharing poor life decisions is a weekly, shameful, yet undeniably enjoyable routine.
8. Hangover chats. Every Friday consists of piling into someone’s room and discussing the antics of thirsty Thursday, while simultaneously complaining about how you’re all dying.
9. Ordering massive family meals from your favourite takeaways. You all have the dominos, papa johns and  Chinese meal deals off to a T. So much so that these fine establishments often text you.No RAgrets.

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10. The group chat game is strong. It’s Friday you’ve all gone your separate ways for the weekend. It’s only been a couple of hours since you’ve all seen each other, but already the group chat is hopping and stays that way until you’re finally reunited on Sunday.
11. Even though you’re all mutually broke, someone will always have money at any given time, thus supporting the rest of the fam until the favour can be returned.

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12. Pre drinks are always the best part of the night. Time to drag up all the dirt you have on each other with a good old fashioned game of never have I ever.
13. There’ll always be at least one voice of reason when you’re deciding whether or not you should “text him”.

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14. In all seriousness though they’ll always look out for you and have your back.

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15. You’ll see the best and worst of each other. Best being the on point selfies, worst being covered in mascara and crying into a curry chip.

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16. They’ll carry you home if you ever get too drunk. Literally. They will carry your ass into the house. Again not naming names…
17. Someone will always have a key. Except in the rare instance where you all lose your sets and decide to go out leaving the door unlocked and propped open with a wheelie bin and a dressing gown…
18. Evenings spent sitting in the siting room discussing life are literally best. Sometimes better than any night out.

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19. You’ve all shared advice regarding each other’s love lives. Or lack thereof.
20. You’ve contemplated buying a pet, but decided given your responsibility levels it would be wise not to.
21. Instead you all decide to ‘adopt’ the homeless earless cat that wanders around outside your house.
22. You have a love/hate relationship with your passive aggressive 84 year old neighbour.
23. You’re guaranteed to laugh a lot every day.
24. There’s always a practical one in the group who can change lightbulbs and fix the TV and shit.
25. You’ll soon find you can tell what each other is thinking or communicate with just looks.IMG_1443
26. You know all their parents, siblings, and dogs first names.
27. You feel like extended members of each other’s families.
28. You’ve been to visit each other’s home towns.
29. You know everyone’s pet peeves.
30. You come to accept the annoying living habits about one another.
31. You end up having weird exercise regimes, like that one time you went for a family walk. Or when you went to TRX and then couldn’t bend down for the muffins in aldi the next day.
32. You may have found yourselves discussing the possibility of civil partnerships with one another.

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33. You text each other even though you’re literally only a few rooms apart.
34. You’ve probably all heard one another having sex.
35. But you’re okay with that because woo! one of the fam scored.
36. You all have nicknames for each other.
37. You’ve heard each other sing and definitely think you should be the next destiny’s child.
38. You’ve killed it together on the dance floor.
39. You’ve picked one another up when you’ve all drunkenly fallen. Except for that one time one of you fell out of a bus…
40. It’s become completely acceptable to inform the fam when you have to go for a number 2.

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41. It is also subsequently acceptable to describe said number 2 often using the Bristol stool chart..
42. You know each other’s PIN numbers and have thus fraped the absolute shit out of one another.
43. You’ve gone on major Facebook/Tinder/Instagram creeps collectively as a fam.

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44. You’ve collected some amazing memories together.
45. There will always be someone to collect you the morning after a night out, because the fam doesn’t believe in the walk of shame.
46. You have family trips to the cinema.
47. Drive Thru McFLurries are a frequent treat.
48. You reassure one another that you’re not going to fail college and that it’ll all be grand.
49. Youve discussed all getting jobs in the same place after you graduate so you can live together forever and ever.
50. You love the absolute bones off one another and wouldn’t change a single thing.


Becky, Susie, Orla, Niamh, Catrina, Saoirse and Megan, thanks for being the most wonderful housemates and friends. Here’s to many more mishaps, mistakes and memories. May the nights be long and the hangovers short!

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How to survive a wedding dateless: The Do’s and Dont’s:

So Thursday of last week saw me attend a family wedding solo. Like many of the guests in attendance,   I of course was given a “plus one”.  It’s funny, I remember about a year ago when my auntie was making the invite list she said to me “Ah sure you’ll probably well have someone by then” .  Unfortunately that wasn’t to be. After an arrangement with a fellow single family member fell through *cough* thanks Barry 😂 I was left dejected and dateless. But not to worry I still had my pride..

I approached the situation with an optimistic Facebook campaign:
Which sadly yielded no results.. So I ended up being the only guest who didn’t bring a plus one. (Aside from uncle John who travelled alone from the states, but he’s married so that doesn’t really count).

I mean I could’ve brought a friend, but I decided to brave it alone. What with feminism constantly reminding me that I’m a strong independent woman who don’t need no man, I couldn’t let the sisterhood down 😂 To help my future single ladies out, I decided to compile a little list of Do’s and Dont’s, key to surviving a dateless affair.

Do: drink wine. Lots and lots of wine. It’ll help you relax, and genuinely make you seem like an all round more interesting person when you get a few grigios in you. Plus it’s free at dinner. If you get a sound waitor like I did, he might just fill a bigger glass for you out of sympathy.


Don’t: trip down the stairs with said glass of wine in your hand. And if you do, make sure it’s  only your uncle and his partner that see. (Shout out to uncle Chris and Kate for picking me up and dusting me off). Probably best to avoid carpeted stairs in high heels on any given day.


Do: go all out at dinner. Hey who are you trying to impress? You came alone. Chow down and enjoy..


Don’t: automatically assume that just because you didn’t bring a plus one, that you might somehow get two dinners. You won’t.


Do: make over-compensatory jokes and quips about how great single life is and how happy you are.

Don’t: decide you’re going to try flirt with the barman and then subsequently sneeze in his face. I heard that happened to someone I know at a completely unrelated event………… 

 

Do: spend time chatting to other guests and family members. Just because everybody came in twos doesn’t mean you can’t be an amazing third wheeler! In all seriousness though, be social. 

Don’t: be afraid to bust some moves on the dancefloor. If uncle peter and his new hip can tackle it, so can you. Just be sure to run to the bathroom and hide when the slow set comes on..


Do: take advantage of drunk fathers and family members by getting them to sponsor you a round..

Don’t: take yourself too seriously. Don’t have a date? Draw one..

        

 At the end of the day weddings are a celebration of the bride and groom, and whether you attend the event single or with a plus one in tow, you can still have a great time with friends and family. I know I did 🙋

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The various stages of studying for exams

It’s so hard to believe it’s that time of the year again. Exam season. It seems like just yesterday we were all in an intoxicated haze loving life at RAG week. If you’re in the same boat as me chances are your RAG week extended into Paddy’s day,various thirsty thursdays, then Raceday and so on. Basically you haven’t been in college properly since week 6, conveniently and blissfully ignoring the latter half of the semester. Sure be grand right?
Except now it’s week 13, you’ve a mountain of assignments and exams are looming. Chances are you are now experiencing the various stages of study meltdown. Rather than actually face everything I have to do in the limited time I have to do it, I’ve decided to further procrastinate by outlining these stages.

So here we go:

1. Self Hatred
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The woe-is-me why am I such a waster stage. Was it really that hard to get up for that Friday 10am? If you had have just been good like you promised yourself at the start of the semester none of this would be happening. But it’s too late, you’ve missed too many lectures. You hate yourself, and you irrationally hate every smart do-gooder that isn’t experiencing this. (Here’s looking at you mature students). Next semester will be better..

2.Denial
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Look maybe it won’t be that bad? Sure you’ve still a good two weeks, that’s plenty of time. If you lock yourself in to the library and literally go hell for leather it’s going to be so fine.. Yeah..you got this..

3. Procrastination
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Write one line of essay, scroll twitter, facebook and instagram for hours. Write one line of essay, repeat. Time is ticking away and all the productive promises you made yourself are quickly vanishing. Ah sure you might as well clean the house so you have a nice relaxing environment to study in. Fast forward and it’s six hours later, the gaff is clean, you’ve rang mammy, watched 4 episodes of Game of Thrones, googled the meaning of life and thought really seriously about joining the circus. Sure look it’s too late to do anything now anyway, fresh start tomorrow morning 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

4.Anger

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You’ve finally decided to tackle the unavoidable. Sulis is open and so are 12 weeks of power-points each containing a minimum of 45 slides each. Wtf when did they teach us this? You know you missed a few weeks but there was no way any of this shit was on the module outline. Why are you even in college anyway? All of this stuff is irrelevant, the education system is a joke. The country is a joke, everything is just a joke. Sure weren’t Steve Jobs and Bill Gates drop outs? Everything is so unfair.

5.Comfort Eating
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A justifiable stage all on it’s own. Food releases happy endorphins which are beneficial for study purposes. Eating yourself into an absolute food coma is completely and totally necessary. Aside from the old bag on the till in dunnes, no one is judging you. Just don’t bring anything noisy and disgusting into the library. 🙂


6.Bargaining

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You’ve reached a stage of desperation and deliriousness. You’ve started to bargain with the powers that be because you’ve realised just how thoroughly fucked you are. You’re begging God, Buddah, Allah, mother nature, every divine inspiration you can think of to just let you pass. You can’t disappoint the rents, you’ll be skinned alive. All the money they pumped into your third level education.. You know you haven’t been to mass since great aunt Mary’s funeral but you swear you’ll start going of a Sunday. You’ll give up drinking, you’ll volunteer, feck it you’ll even sell a kidney at this stage.

7.Feeling sorry for yourself
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In between shlugs of energy drinks in the library silently sighing to yourself, wishing you were anywhere but the second floor silent zone. Life is bleak..hope is fading..weep on.

8.Panic
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You thought you were too composed, calm and collected to reach this stage. Oh no you weren’t going to panic, you had complete control of the situation… Well my friend you’ve managed to waste away two weeks talking about studying and not actually doing it. You now have permission to enter full on panic mode. No amount of bargaining will save you now.

9. The All Nighter
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Nothing for it now, just going to have to sacrifice sleep and become a night owl. It’s your own fault so better buy a six pack of red bull, sellotape your eyes open, and hope that scientific experts are wrong when they say late night cramming is futile..

10. Acceptance
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You’ve gone through all the agonizing stages and you’re nearly at the finishing line. You’ve come to accept that what will be will be. You take a deep breath and enter the exam hall to meet your fate. (Nanny has lit the obligatory candle just in case).

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100 things I did in 2014

1. Survived living and working in Dublin
2. Moved to Sweden for 4 Months
3. Met some wonderful people from all over the world
4. Got closer to nan in Dublin
5. Accidentally drank my own contact lense
6. Broke into my own house after a night out
7. Stole multiple cans of coke from a Swedish chipper
8. Laughed a lot
9. Visited Lapland
10. Went out 13 weekends in a row
11. Purchased a bike in Sweden
12. Survived being single for the first time in 4 years
13. Fed reindeer
14. Used a pizza box as a pillow
15. Saw the northern lights
16. Went dog sledding and snow mobiling
17. Moved house twice
18. Only ‘vommed and dashed’ once.
19.Turned 21
20. Changed my first ever light bulb
21. Still in college
22. Braces off
23. Ellie Goulding and Beyoncé concert
24. International lovee😂
25. Did my first ever key note presentation
26. Accused of “plagiarism”
27. Survived plagiarism accusation
28. Built a snow person “Kim Snowdashian”
29. Got closer to some of my amazing cousins
30. Learned that ‘TP’ stands for toilet paper
31. Tried sweet potato fries for the first time (didn’t like sweet potato fries)
32. Visited an elk farm
33. Unknowingly ate elk stew
34. Spent more money than I probably earned
35. Lost my bank card
36. Peed in public (multiple times)
37. Got knocked off my bike by a random swede on her bike
38. Made a snow angel
39. Only got tonsillitis once
40. Witnessed a shooting star
41. Celebrated my friends turning 21
42. Did a ‘comedy improv’ course with work. Still not funny.
43. Locked up an entire office block on my own multiple times and nothing bad happened
44. Laughed so hard I cried
45. Listened to Ed Sheeran’s album on repeat
46. Acquired Script tickets
47. Mixed white wine and red wine
48. Drank copious amounts of cartoned wine called “prego”
49. Didn’t actually get prego.
50. Binge watched game of thrones, suits, and orange is the new black
51. Tried balyage
52. Fell off my bike multiple times
53. Drunk cycled
54. Drunk shifted
55. Got hurt
56. Took a 6 hour train, twice.
57. Visited Norway
58. Burnt pizza
59. Got given an iPad
60. Documented my own drunken antics far too many times
61. Stole some poor guys rickshaw in Dublin
62. Acquired multiple rickshaw rides for free on the same night (hooray for Julio)
63. Drunkenly fell
64. Soberly fell
65. Knocked over a table of drink
66. Made mistakes
67. Had no RAGRETS
68. Placed in the top 25 for blog awards Ireland
69. Took too many selfies
70. Got denied entrance into coppers
71. Got into coppers anyway
72. Acquired a stalker by the name of Ali Bibbi
73. Got asked on a date to Mcdonalds by Dublin bus driver
74. Survived multiple near knock downs
75. Went to life in colour
76. Tried a McChicken Sandwich instead of chicken nuggets in McDonalds
77. GOT 10 NUGGETS INSTEAD OF 9
78. Wrote a letter to my 13 year old self
79. Did ice bucket challenge and no make up selfie
80. Purchased a serious amount of mac lipstick
81. Had the fear too many times
82. Saw Des Bishop live
83. Nandos Nandos Nandos
84. Went for cocktails
85. Got egged by 12 year olds on Dame Street
86. Bet my nan at scrabble
87. Experienced ‘adult life’ and responsibility
88. Mastered the Swedish currency eventually
89. Got up every morning at 7am for 6months straight
90. Witnessed the sun set everyday at 2:30pm for 4 months
91. Had a BBQ at a lake
92. Got through a really difficult time
93. Wrote more
94. Went to my first ever hockey game
95. 12B night.
96. Made life long memories
97. Spent a night in the airport
98. Got a lift to work in an ambulance bus
99. Hugged harder and laughed louder
100. Wrote this list.

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The best things about Christmas

So Christmas is just a matter of days away, and it’s hard to believe it’s that time of year again! It always comes around so quickly. In true festive spirit I decided to compile a list of what I feel are the absolute best things about Christmas time  🙂

In no particular order..

1. The tree. I mean come on, putting a giant tree in your sitting room and getting to decorate it is unique and special to this time of year. There is nothing quite like the happiness a christmas tree brings. Just look at all those pretty lights. Plus the smell is so nice if you go for a real tree.

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2. The absolute chooons.

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ya scumbag, ya maggot. 

Because really, what were Christmases before Mariah Carey, The Pogues, and Band aid?

3. Woolen winter warmers! 

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Getting to wrap up in the cold christmas weather is the best. Hat, scarves, knits, boots and gloves. There is just something so undeniably cosy about the winter wardrobe.

4. The Lights. 

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There’s always pretty lights everywhere and it’s just so magical and happy and enchanting.

5. Hot Chocolate.

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Hot chocolate warms the soul and it’s the season to drink copious amounts of it without feeling guilty 🙂

6. Christmas nights out.

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Always so much better than your standard night out. Christmas is a chance to get together with friends you mightn’t have seen much of during the year and ruin your livers with plenty of alcohol and festive cheer! Stephens night is always a messy one.

7. Ugly christmas jumpers.

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Don’t deny it, we all love them. Christmas isn’t complete without donning one of these festive favourites.

8. FOOD, FOOD AND MORE FOOD.

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There aren’t enough drooly emojis to explain. There’s just so much yummy food and its glorious. It’s the time to indulge and expand your waistline 😉

9. Presents.

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Yeah Yeah, Christmas shouldn’t be about the presents, it’s about spending time with the people you love and all that jazz. But come on, everyone loves the presents. Even shopping for presents for other people is so lovely. It’s so nice sitting around the christmas tree and watching for everyones reactions when they open their presents. Plus new stuff. Nothing beats new stuff.

10. Christmas Movies.

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Curling up by the fire to watch countless feel good christmas movies is just the best. From the Santa Claus, to the Grinch and Jack Frost, we love them all. These movies are a chance for us to relive the child in us at Christmas and you’d by lying if you said you didn’t look forward to the onlsaught of all these movies every year.

11. Home alone.

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It’s getting it’s own category just because. McCaullay Culkin’s adventures as Kevin Mccallister the poor kid who is constantly left behind, must be the greatest series of Christmas movies of all time. Don’t fight me on this. (I met the bird lady from Home Alone 2, I know people).

12. Ice Skating.

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Even though i’m probably the most uncoordinated person on the planet, ice skating is still a fun festive favourite. Even if it is just going to result in you and your friends getting absolutely busted up, it’s still a great christmassy activity.

13. Christmas Sales and Shopping.

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Granted I’m never brave enough to go in on Stephen’s day (bless all the souls that are) but theres nothing like those days out to town a couple of days after Christmas and getting to blow all your money in the sales.

14. Starbucks Cinnamon Latte. 

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Because what basic white girl doesn’t look forward to this every Christmas?

15. Loved ones coming home.

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This one is the best. How sweet is it when relations living all across the globe come back and surprise everyone for Christmas? I got to fly home this year myself and it was such an exciting feeling walking through the airport terminal 🙂

16.The general cheer.

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Everyone is just so much happier this time of year. In the words of REM shiny happy people everywhere 🙂

17. Michael Bublé.

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I instantly think of Christmas whenever I hear Michael Bublé. Seriously the guy seems to lie dormant all year, and then resurfaces every December to re-release his Christmas album that everyone adores.

18. Board Games.

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I don’t know about you but I love when the board games get whipped out at Christmas. Nothing better than having a few drinks and getting competitive with the fam over a classic game of Operation. Best avoid Monopoly though, that’s  a relationship ruiner no matter what time of year. Chances are you’ll all still be playing it until next Christmas anyway.

19. These a bad boys!

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20. Getting to express your inner child. 

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You’re 21, big deal. At Christmas you are completely justified in acting like the big kid you really are. Colour with your siblings, scream along to singstar, play with dolls, remote control cars whatever takes your fancy. There is absolutely no judgement here.

21.Candy canes! 

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4 for you glen coco, you go glen coco.

Sugary goodness 🙂

22. Harry Potter marathons.

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queue magical hogwarts music. Why is it that Harry Potter has suddenly become associated with Christmas? Whatever the reason I’m not complaining. Love when these are all shown over Christmas. 🙂

23. Special Christmas episodes of your favorite TV shows.

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24 When strangers and retailers wish you a Happy Christmas.

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25. Mulled wine.

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Delicious warmth in a glass.

26. Christmas Eve.

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There is nothing quite like the excitement of Christmas eve, no matter what age you are 🙂

27. Christmas PJs.

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They are just so fun and cute!

28. Christmas Dinner.

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Cant.Stop.Salivating. Nothing like the nap that comes after this feed either!

29. All the Christmas Ads.

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Christmas is the only time of the year we actually enjoy ads.  Coca Cola, John Lewis, Guinness.

30. Getting handwritten christmas cards in the post.

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These days handwritten messages and cards are few and far between, so Christmas is one of the few times they make a come back and it’s really nice to see.

And last but not least… The main man himself

31. Santa – because what would it all be without him? (Tim Allen was the best Santa Claus of all time btw)

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So there you go, some of my absolute favourite things about Christmas time. What are yours? 🙂 I’m sure there’s loads more for people that I’ve left out. I hope wherever you are this Christmas you have a happy and special one. Enjoy, eat, drink and be merry ❤

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The everyday struggles of a clumsy person

A lot of people presume those who are naturally clumsy are just putting on an ‘act’. It’s all a cute show for attention right? Wrong. If you find yourself on the un-coordinated spectrum of life like myself, you will know that it is most definitely not an act. The struggle is real. Clumsy isn’t a way of life, it’s a curse of an inherent lack of coordination. Don’t you think if we could choose not to spill things on ourselves we would? Sure we’d love to be poised and sophisticated, but it just doesn’t happen. Yesterday I managed to spill two plastic cups of wine consecutively (I don’t trust myself with glasses anymore). I don’t know how, but one literally flew out of my hand and across the room.
Anywhoo, with all that being said I thought I’d write a guide to the everyday struggles of your average clumsy person, just to give all you ‘together’ people a glimpse into life on the other side.

So here we go:

1. Not being able to eat or drink anything without spilling it on yourself.
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You own that cereal dribble..

2. Bumping into inanimate objects on a daily basis.
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Wtf, okay that lampost definitely appeared out of nowhere.. All you can do when this happens is put your head down and pray to god no one saw..
They saw.

3.Despite how clumsy you are, you’re still shit at trying to subtly ‘recover’. if you’re like me your hawk eye friends will see absolutely all of your stumbles and use them to embarrass you publicly.

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That save though…

4. Stairs. Just stairs. You can’t walk up them, and you can’t walk down them. They are your mortal enemy, put on this earth to cause you constant pain.

peter-stairs

5. Constantly dropping things.
Your clumsiness takes the phrase ‘butter fingers’ to a whole new level. It could be your phone, keys, drink or wallet. Whatever it is, chances are you’ve dropped it more than once. Which means you probably can never be a waitress/waitor. And you most definitely shouldn’t hold babies for a period longer than five minutes, or without supervision.
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6. Always dropping things means you are an avid follower of the ‘5 second rule’

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7. Lets just say certain sports aren’t your strong point, and you and this dog have a lot in common.
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8. Constantly saying sorry for spilling things on people and knocking things over.

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ooops, my bad

9. Always having a lovely collection of bruises. Sometimes you have more than your memory can keep up with.

bruise..
Here’s my latest colourful addition. No, don’t worry I’m not a victim of domestic abuse, just an unfortunate cycling accident.

10. Losing your balance on flat surfaces. You are literally unable to walk in a straight line.

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11. Making awkward scenes by accidentally knocking over things while telling stories.

Literally the bane of my existence. Anyone who knows me will be aware of the fact that I talk with my hands, a lot. Combine that with my natural clumsiness, and well you have a recipe for disaster.
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12. Having little to no rhythm.

Yep, you’ll always be that kid out of sync with everyone else, or the one that claps too early or too late. It’s okay, you’re not alone.
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13. Getting overly excited or hyper about something at any given time can have potentially dangerous results.

dog-jumping

this one applies to clumsy girls-

14.Getting your hair stuck in the back of your hairdryer.

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15. Showering can sometimes prove problematic if you lose the run of yourself.
Be on alert for slippery shampoo spillages at all times. And never dance in the shower, ever.
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16. People always assume you’re drunk.
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Nope. Just clumsy.

17. Going to sit down, or lean against something but completely missing and face planting.

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18. Your skills at riding a bike are questionable.
(This is exceptionally true for my experiences so far in Sweden)
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19. The constant judgment and ridicule from coordinated people.
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stop judging me!

20. Winter and the onslaught of ice.

RTE-slipbaby

21. Trying to make a dramatic exit but failing miserably..
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22. Finally learning to embrace your clumsiness 🙂

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So there you have it, a slight glimpse into the average struggles of a clumsy person. If you’re clumsy and struggling to deal with your awkward ways, just remember some of the most fabulous people are disastrously clumsy. Take JLAW for example
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the girl faceplanted at the oscars TWICE and still managed to own it.
So next time you’re feeling embarrassed, ashamed or bruised just remember at least you’re fun and can laugh at your accident prone ways. I’d rater be laid back and clumsy than take myself too seriously any day.

In the wise words of Miss Zoey Deschanel:
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