So having no coordination what so ever when it comes to the skill of driving, it’s no surprise I have to resort to public transport. Every Sunday and Friday evening I must brace myself for the dreaded two hour journey from Kilkenny to Limerick and vice versa. Which isn’t easy when it comes to the confining restrictions of a crowded bus, and bumpy back roads.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering, how do I survive the atrocities of said public transport?Well, let me tell you.
I have become the master of the “Don’t even think about sitting beside me” look. Forever dodging the plague that is the onset of other passengers, I have learned some tricks a long the way. Now before you go thinking I’m some reclusive, loner-type grump, I just like my personal space. Nothing wrong with that right? I mean there is nothing worse than being squished up beside a window for the duration of your journey and feeling obligated to make awkward chit-chat with a stranger, who’s just destroyed all of your blissful comfort.
So here are some rules I live by while braving the terrifying realm of public transport:
Rule #1- Don’t make eye contact.
Seriously, this is the worst thing to do. They’re only after getting on, they’re stressed trying to squeeze down the aisle without drawing too much attention to themselves. Struggling with their carry ons they’re looking for a friendly face. Don’t be that face. The minute you look up the jig is up. They take it as an invitation to plonk themselves down beside you, and before you know it, you’ve lost all leg space. Keep your head down and look inconspicuous.
Rule #2- Place your bag on the seat beside you.
This is a good one. It creates an unwelcoming atmosphere. You’re exuding your hostility from the outset. Usually they will sense your unwillingness to facilitate them with that wonderful space beside you, and if you’re lucky they will pass right on by.
Rule #3- Earphones, Earphones, Earphones!
I can’t stress this one enough. If your earphones are in you can easily avoid the dreaded “Can I sit there?” question. Most of the time they won’t even ask for fear of disturbing you. Unless you come across those pushy “I’m going to disturb you regardless” types, In which case fear not! There is another method at your disposal. This comes in the form of…
Rule #4- Pretend to be asleep, or go asleep.
This is a no brainer. They’d want to be awful brazen to wake you from your seemingly peaceful slumber. Unless the bus is completely full and there is no other option, you’ve gotten away with it again.
If you’ve made it this far, now you can feel secure in your public transport ventures. But don’t get too comfortable. There is a final rule which can be applied. Though I warn you, It’s only to be used in extreme cases. For instance, you’re one of two passengers still left sitting alone on a crowded bus. You have to act fast. There is no time for previous steps. This passenger has caught you by surprise, and he/she is hunting for a seat .. in this case go straight to
Rule #5 Start coughing, sneezing and spluttering. (loudly) You need to make this passenger aware that sitting beside you is just not an option. So practice looking contagiously sick. If you can survive the entire journey with an extra seat in tow, you’re laughing.
some people might take offence to being left alone on public transport, but not me!
At the end of the day I’d rather have people think I’m sick, asleep or just plain stubborn than sacrifice my glorious comfort.
Just Jess, Just blogging! 