Garth Gonzo-Ireland in turmoil over crushed concert hopes

Garth+Brooks+gbSo this evening the nation was rocked with the news that Country Western singer Garth Brooks, had indeed fulfilled his threat and pulled the plug on 5 scheduled gigs at Croker. ( A moment of silence for those affected by this imdenifiable tragedy).

Enda Kenny, Aiken Promotions and Wild Horses themselves couldn’t persuade the singer to change his mind. The Storm Mr Brooks has left in his wake is nothing short of catastrophic. Ireland now lies divided once more, between ticket holders in mourning, and those taking advantage of the comedic opportunities. Social media sites have erupted.

The government are now declaring a state of emergency and are considering the possibility of banning country music outright. Retailers across the country are left with thousands of country hats and unusable merchandise. There is a national manhunt for the ‘pissy minus-craic’ residents of Croke Park, and an unidentified rebel group are offering a generous reward for the capture of Dublin City Council and the GAA.

Threats have even been made on Mr Garth Brooks himself, with one angry ticket holder (who cannot be named for legal reasons), stating that he would ‘burn the bollix and make him eat the 400,000 tickets’. Not quite sure how that would work out.

Luckily Mr Brooks has fled to the safety of his home and is reportedly being protected by his friends in low places.

Meanwhile Ireland may never be the same again. Forget 1916, Forget the Great Famine, forget 1922 and The Civil War, Forget 2008 and the fall of the Celtic Tiger. Forget it all, and remember 8/07/14- the day Ireland faced it’s truest tragedy. The day a humble Country Singer disrupted an entire nation. For now, it is more than a memory.